Monday, February 06, 2012

In Which We Meet a Kraken

Just as we are gearing up for the busy, busy spring-into-summer teaching whirl, we encounter...

..the Kraken.

The Kraken lurks in quiet, deep places, but occasionally surfaces to snare the unwary.  It is known to devour entire ships whole, and impair spinning progress on an epic scale.  It especially detests the long draw.

Krakens have a nasty habit of travelling about their territory and ...well...pooping.  They leave piles of nastiness throughout their range, little foul pockets of inflammation that can only be worked out with great care.  The problem with Kraken poop is that once you clean it up in one spot, the beastie deposits some in another.

The worst thing about the Kraken, though, is that it is nocturnal.  It will lie dormant during the day, lulling its victim into complacency, then strike as the victim is drifting into sleep.  These attacks are often sudden, and intense, leaving the victim laying awake for hours, waiting for pain-killers to kick in.

This Kraken has been lurking in these waters for some time, but with increased activity in the region, it has been awakened and is angry.  Steps must be taken to tame the Kraken, or defeat it.

After consulting with experts in the field, I have discovered that this Kraken is actually of the genus Shoulder Impingementus, family Rotator Cuff Tendinitisae.  These particular Krakens are, apparently, fond of people who use their arms in overhead arcing motions, or in front-to-to back swinging motions.  People like tennis players, weavers, and long-draw spinners. (Thank goodness I don't play tennis!) Or people who keep their shoulder in one position for extended periods of time, like computer workers, or worsted spinners.

So the Battle of the Kraken begins.  The Kraken has been x-rayed and identified, and is awaiting an MRI to survey any damage it may have done to its territory (besides the pooping).  Meanwhile, we are poisoning it into submission with anti-inflammatory medication and knocking it out with pain-killers for short periods so its victim can sleep.  Now begins the training of the Kraken, with exercises that I suspect will hurt me far more than they will hurt the Kraken. This same approach has tamed the giant lizard that lived under my kneecap for 6 years, so I am optimistic that I can befriend and tame the Kraken as well...

Awwww...see?  It's just a little guy.

I'm gonna kick its butt!


  1. Big or little, I hope you can beat that Kraken soon! It's no fun when it hurts especially when you're trying to sleep. So be good and do your physio like you're supposed to and DON'T OVERDO ANYTHING! Your shoulder needs time to heal.

    Jeesh. I sound like a mom, don't I?

  2. hw did u do tat effect?(everything black n in the middle got 1 pic n bottom got white words)

  3. Anonymous9:19 PM

    Its called iFunny effect lol
    go to ifunny (dot) mobi

  4. Man i want a kraken as a pet i think it would be awesome!

  5. how do u now thats a kraken!